Finding My Joy

 Okay Rudy we will take care of Marg, but only for 5 more minutes ....

 How awesome to feel the waves of the ocean

 And have the touch of gorgeous friends

 And relax in the comfort of long time friends

 And be part of the entertainment

 And keep Bert sane

 And celebrate life

 And celebrate God's creation

 And not think about the rain

 And feed our stomachs

 And enjoy the memory of the sun

 And hear the ocean

 And remember the laughter

 And the Palm Tree's.

A lot of focus has been on joy. Friends post's, sermons, etc. God wants us to be joyful. And when times are good its pretty easy. But when disaster hits, for myself I find it much harder. Joy doesn't always manifest itself in laughter. I think deep rooted joy can only be found when I'm at peace with God. When I learn to accept my life totally in His hands I find true joy. Joy in my circumstances despite wanting as easier option. For me joy has been and is a journey. I can't always feel joyful, and at times am overwhelmed with life's circumstances. Joy like love is a decision. And people that cross my path aren't always lovable. If I choose to focus on God and His love and His sacrifice on the cross for me for you, than love becomes something I can choose to do. It is the same with joy. If I choose to take the focus off of myself and choose God joy will come. Weeping comes for a night but joy comes in the morning. The journey to joy cannot be patented or written on a recipe card. It is Gods design and Gods timing in Gods way. And along the way I look at old pictures and I find my happy place ,and am thankful for friends in my life , friends on my journey to joy. Friends that reflect the joy of Christ.

Here by the altar

And here by the water
I'll build an altar to praise Him
Out of the stones
that I found here
as rough as they are
knowing you can make them Holy
Not sure who wrote these words, but to me they speak volumes.
Stick's and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me....but can't they? I read a post on facebook yesterday. Don't rely on others and you won't be hurt. Do you agree or do these words make you sad? We hurt others all the time. Mostly I believe unintentionally. You see we are all not perfect. We strive to do better, but fail. The stones ,the rough stones are us, you and me. But if God is my Father and I am His child are we not called to rely totally on Him? And if we are to model the love of Jesus to others are we not called to open our hearts to others? Opening our hearts involves trust. Opening our hearts makes us vulnerable. Not in control of the outcome of our relationship. And when our trust is broken, do we shut down because it is easier to say, I'm not going to be hurt again? So I'll just keep to myself. But when we live this way , we also do not get to experience the true joy and intimacy of some else's love and the pleasure of God controlling every area of our lives. In other words if we love unconditionally , we experience unconditional joy that we would otherwise be missing out on. And when we do get hurt , we are commanded to forgive 70 X 7. Forgive always. When we don't forgive we loose out. God put no limits on forgiveness. When we confess our sins He is faithful to forgive us all our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And when He cleanses us, He can make us holy. Here by the altar, I confess my unforgiving heart .

Questions

Mingle the tears of the sinner with the cross of the Savior and the result is a joyful escort out of the canyon of guilt. Max Lucado
Guilt can way you down, cause sleepless night's and untold agony. So after fighting the pride of self I must come to the conclusion I am wrong, deal with it and move on. But what happens when someone has wronged you for no reason? What happens if you point blank get cut off from all communication with someone and you don't have a clue as to why this happened? What happens if the one you love and cherish one day just up and turns their back on you and walks away?  And zip, nada...they don't love you anymore? They say it takes two tango. But I beg to differ. Sometimes there is only one person left dancing . I can deal with my guilt, my sin , my shame. But how do I live with the rejection of another human being?
And I have to look at my Savior and think how does he feel when we just walk away from him. He has done no wrong, yet we reject him. We close our ears ,thoughts and minds as to what he has to say. Is it because we cannot see or don't want to see the darkness that we have brought upon ourselves? Or do  we justify our thoughts in comparison to our rights ? Guilt ,rejection, fear, loss can all lead us away from the Savior. I must come to the cross with my burden and leave it at the foot of Jesus. And I am again reminded that the cross was not an easy thing for our Savior to bear. But he did so that I don't have to. He washed it all away, every evil deed, every evil thought. As I lay awake another sleepless night I must leave my heavy heart to God, and believe that His way is perfect and that He has me in the palm of his hand always.
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

Aha Moments

Do you ever have aha moments? You know moments tucked into your memory that would last forever? It could be as simple as a flower picked "just for you Oma" or a breath taking castle built years ago preserved in time. Or Art that is still famous and awe inspiring to look at every single day. This morning when the sun came out, through the stormy rain of the last few days....yup aha, loved it. And I thought of the sermon I heard on Sunday. Anything outside of the will of God will turn to ashes. God will allow things outside of His will. The choice is mine. And I may enjoy the pleasure of sin for a season. If sin had no pleasure there would be no appeal to follow it. But in the end sin leads to death, ashes. And I was reminded that I cannot change the principle of God. And I must ask God to remove the ashes in my life. The sin that keeps me from being right with God. The joy that gets robbed...the aha moments, when my focus shifts from "me" to "Him".For He is my Father , always willing to restore my life to His.

Sister's

Would I have but a mirror
That could go back
Into the past
And reflect whats coming
Would my choices be different?
Compromising everyday thoughts
Willing them not to be my last
Not enduring life
But running through the fields
on golden dandelions
Clutching, grabbing, holding
Remembering three young girls
On the shoulders
Of one strong Dad
Laughing , giggling, screaming
Capturing a moment
Lost forever in time
Or just bound
In the recess of my heart.

In loving Memory of Alice Teichrieb
October 11, 1956-May 14, 1994

Best Thanksgiving Ever

My first Thanksgiving without my Dad, my Mom my Sisters. I'm sure their Thanksgiving dinner was awesome. They have each other, they are in heaven. What a celebration. You know many people question why I take so many pictures. For me I have to say because I want to capture a moment in time. A sparkle, a wish that forever will not be anymore. You see when you loose someone you love, all you have is the memories of your past. And at times your memory isn't so good, and then you pull out your pictures and all the warm fuzzies return. And you walk down memory lane and say" I remember". It's not morbid, it's not bad, it's a good thing. For in order for me to celebrate the future I have to embrace my past. All of it. Sift it together, and remember. Yesterday it was 8 month's ago I let go of my Dad. And as I remember him I remember other's. Mom, my step Mom, Alice & Irene my sister's.Walter, Henry and Art, Rudy's brothers. My in laws, Tina and Jacob.My best friends brother and cousin. My nephew. My cousins son's.My sons best friend. A special Uncle. And the list goes on. Death is a part of life. Maybe you don't like to think about it. And that's okay. I do because it causes me to remember whose love I've been blessed by. All the love of the past has caused me to be what I am today. So Thankful for all my friends and family that are still around and that I can make new memories with them. Our time on earth is for a breath, a moment. Take time to enjoy everyone in your life. Cultivate family, friends. And be thankful.

Never Too Late

Reading about Manasseh this morning. He was had one of the longest reign's of the Judean kings and one of the most evil. Eventually sin found him out and punishment followed. It was during this time he sought the favor of the Lord, 2 Chronicles 33:12, and God welcome him and brought him back to Jerusalem and to his kingdom, 2 Chronicles 33:13.Then Manasseh knew that the Lord is God.
Wow I find this reading very powerful. God never said oops to little too late. Sorry Manasseh you blew all your chances. Had you not done that very last thing I would have forgiven you. Manasseh humbled himself, asked for forgiveness, and all was forgiven. Not with scolding, finger pointing,lectures, just forgiven. And I realized too many times I let my past dictate how I will approach God. Gotta clean up my act, gotta say the right words, have the right thoughts, change who I am. But no thats not how it is. I need to reach out to God first and he will change the rest of me.

Cabin Fever

Yikes, I am slowly going crazy, slowly going crazy am I, one , two ,three , four switch. Remember that song your kid's sang when they were little? No? Consider yourself lucky. Our kid's sang it so many times I  think at times I did go crazy. Yupper's almost 6 week's since my fall , almost 5 week's in my air cast. And still I'm having trouble learning life's lesson's. It's not fun having Rudy or Mattias do all my food shopping, banking, catering to my every whim! Sounds delightful to you? MMMM. Yes, there has been aha moments. You know when life hands you lemons make lemonade, etc.....But learning more patience, being thankful if I'm honest is not sinking in. Why? My focus has been on myself again. Yes, life is not all about me. And when I count on others to do things for me, gulp, it's hard being on the receiving end of life.
What are the things God wants me to do? John 6:28
The Bible is clear . Believe the One he sent.
Accept the work already done., the work on the cross.
Only believe.
It's that simple? It's that easy?
There was nothing easy about it. The cross was heavy, the blood was real, and the price was extravagant. It would have bankrupted you or me, so he paid for us. Call it simple. Call it a gift. But don't call it easy. Call it what it is. Call it grace.
Grace , not something I can earn or accomplish.