When You Are Low on Hope

Have you ever needed an olive leaf? You know a sign of sorts that lets you know you aren't forgotten? Everything really is going to be alright. Really it is. You know the feeling? Like Noah being cooped up in the Ark and being so done with his life circumstances. Let me out, I've had enough.The flood waters in my life have been rising too long and I just need a little hope. When Noah send a dove out of the ark for the second time it returned with an olive leaf. This leaf was more than foliage, this leaf was a promise. This leaf brought hope. This leaf brought evidence of dry land after a flood. Don't we all love olive leaves in our lives? What's more don't we love the doves that bring them? My doctor advocated on my behalf, instead of a year wait list I have an appointment in two weeks with a foot specialist. My neighbour whose husband is in a motorised wheelchair dropped of a shepherds pie for dinner, she just found out about my ankle. My amazing husband who picked up two Christmas wreaths for the front door to set the mood for the upcoming season.. My counsellor who encouraged me to bring less to  family gathering because I need to take care of me. My son who said the blessing over lunch yesterday and then thanked God for my doctors appointment. My sister-in-law that loves me and has my back. My friends that heart me and let me share all of me. Perhaps that's the reason I love Jesus. You see He brings leaves to me. Grace and life. Forgiveness of sin. The defeat of death. This is the hope He gives. This is the hope I need. My flood is not too wide. My worth not too small. What do you do with hope? What do you do with olive leaves? You pass them around. You don't stick them in your pocket. You give them to the ones you love. Love always hopes. Love...bears all things , believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Cor. 13:4-7)  Love has hope in you.  IF you don't need hope than you are called to give hope. You can say those words. "I have hope for you". You are a flood survivor. By Gods grace you have found your way to dry ground . You know what its like to see the waters subside. And since you do, since you passed through the flood and lived to tell about it, you are qualified to give hope to someone else. Hope it's a powerful thing.

You are a masterpiece

Psalm 139-I am amazing
Joel Osteen
Picasso painting not valuable because of the art but because of the painter.
God is our artist we are his masterpiece.
Every morning remind yourself, I am not ordinary, I am Gods masterpiece.
Love your neighbor as yourself. If you don't love yourself you cannot love others. We all have weakness, but we need to love ourselves. You carry yourself the way you see yourself.
You are made in the image of God. See yourself as beautiful on the inside and it will excude that on the outside. Quite focusing on yourself. Quit comparing yourself to others.
You are not better than anyone else but you are not less than anyone else.
In humilty accept that you are a masterpiece made by God.
I am not average, I am not ordinary, I am one of  kind.
Your value is not based on your performance. You are already valuable.
Accept yourself as you are in the process of changing.

There is something special about you.
Just what I needed to hear today.

My Thoughts

 So Rudy and I left Surrey Friday afternoon and headed out to Whistler for the weekend. We still had a gift certificate given to us from one of our suppliers from last Christmas so Fairmont Chateau was our destination. We left our beautiful fall weather and arrived to the first snowfall of the season.

I Love the first snowfall of the season . I love when God blankets the trees with a sprinkling of magic powder. It's just beautiful. It's probably safe to say that I was in the minority travelling to Whistler with a leg brace, crutches and wheelchair. Yes, I caused a constant stir of compassion from people who just couldn't pass me by without knowing my story. Complete strangers that needed to know what happened, and if I was going to be alright. It was very overwhelming at times. For someone who likes to hide their pain I have been forced to look it straight in the face and acknowledge yes life really does suck sometimes. Haven't I had enough years of tough things happening in my life?

 On Sunday morning we decided to visit Whistler Community Church. Since we are all part of the same conference I was excited to see what was happening in Whistler. Of course God had plans for my heart as He always does. The pastor was at home as he was resting from a concussion , he had just fallen out of a tree that week. The guest speaker was from Church of the Mountain. He started his sermon with God may not have a plan for your life. What? See we are all busy looking for Gods plan for our lives. And when we don't see it mapped out like a piece of Ikea furniture. Our life gets disrupted and we wander. If we do what it says in Matthew 22:34-40 Love God with ALL our strength, mind and will. And if we do that to our neighbour (love them with ALL our strength, mind and will). And here is the KEY that spoke to me and if we love ourselves with ALL our strength, mind and will . We will be inside of the will of God. It is very hard for me to love myself. I know I am a child of God, forgiven but I always feel unworthy of His love. On the outside I may seem confidant but on the inside I am very raw. On the outside I may look like everything is fine but on the inside it is not. So begins my journey. For I too want to live inside the will of God.

Baptism

I've been to the river I've been baptised. I've been washed by the blood of the lamb.
Sunday celebration service of my niece Rowyn caused me to reflect back on own my baptism. How can it not? Like when I attend a wedding I smile and think back to my glorious day and it reminds me of why I love this man of mine, and it renews my sacred vows said so long go. It's a good think to again take stock of my life. The feelings ,thoughts ,desires , needs that compelled me to say yes to baptism so many years go. So how is my walk going? The blood that pumped my heart and compelled me to trust in the God of the Universe who loved me and died for me. Is that devine truth that was so clearly revealed to me as a child of 15 still hold true today? Do I still believe He holds my future, He holds my hand? Or have my eyes grown dim in the reality of the worlds view of control? I control my own destiny? The same God in the bible that has been faithful to all generations is still faithful. Do my eyes stray from the path God has chosen for me? Absolutely. So for me than the choice would be what do I do about that? Do I keep down the path that I know is wrong? Or do I choose to follow the path that is layed out for me? Today I choose to follow you. Today the decision is mine. Today the decision is yours.

Marie

We took her out of Westminster House for a short walk. Although they treat her well at the Old Folk's home, she's stuck inside , doors locked. Her hearing is terrible, confusion consumes her mind ,she doesn't leave her wheelchair anymore. She still remembers me, not in the way she used to, but still after a few minutes of staring me in the eye a glimmer of light appears in her lack lustre eyes and she recognises me. Oh , it's Margret haven't seen you for a long time. Forgetting our last visit but still holding on to our past, her world keeps getting smaller. Its a frightful thing to not remember. Did she just visit the bathroom? Or? How did you fall Margret? It happened where? Do you have pain? Tell me again. Still thinking of others even though she can't take care of herself. It doesn't matter, repetition is always part of our visit, and as long as I can bring joy to her day if only for a minute , I visit, I talk, I love on her. Others in the home are not so fortunate. They are forgotten , somebody else's burden, nobody ever comes to visit. Seems like this kind old lady doesn't deserve such life. But we can't choose our walk in life anymore than we can create a sunny day. It's makes me sad when I visit . But it's not about me. Visiting the care home you come face to face with people walking the last days of their lives. Our days are all numbered, but in the everyday hub of life the end of our life is not our focus point. I struggle with the letting go of life that does not belong to me but God and the holding tight to life because I'd like just one more birthday, one more Christmas, one more vacation. For now it's not time to say goodbye. For now I'll have one more visit. One more celebration...one more time...

Committing To Hear God's Voice

The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. C.S. Lewis 

Started a new book,  The Spirit Formed Life. By, Jack Hayford

Growing in the 10 principles of Spirit-Filled Discipline

Don't know what your day looks like. Could be kids demanding attention. Or your spouse, job or lack there of. Could be an illness, bad weather. Or maybe you are just a ray of sunshine and your days are always good. What fills your mind first thing in the morning? The author of this book and more importantly the Bible challenges me to listen to God. Yup it's His day. No that doesn't mean my day will be free of problems or that I have a halo above my head and sprout angel wings . It just means I should give my day to God. He is at work everyday, and He wants me to join Him.

Finding My Joy

 Okay Rudy we will take care of Marg, but only for 5 more minutes ....

 How awesome to feel the waves of the ocean

 And have the touch of gorgeous friends

 And relax in the comfort of long time friends

 And be part of the entertainment

 And keep Bert sane

 And celebrate life

 And celebrate God's creation

 And not think about the rain

 And feed our stomachs

 And enjoy the memory of the sun

 And hear the ocean

 And remember the laughter

 And the Palm Tree's.

A lot of focus has been on joy. Friends post's, sermons, etc. God wants us to be joyful. And when times are good its pretty easy. But when disaster hits, for myself I find it much harder. Joy doesn't always manifest itself in laughter. I think deep rooted joy can only be found when I'm at peace with God. When I learn to accept my life totally in His hands I find true joy. Joy in my circumstances despite wanting as easier option. For me joy has been and is a journey. I can't always feel joyful, and at times am overwhelmed with life's circumstances. Joy like love is a decision. And people that cross my path aren't always lovable. If I choose to focus on God and His love and His sacrifice on the cross for me for you, than love becomes something I can choose to do. It is the same with joy. If I choose to take the focus off of myself and choose God joy will come. Weeping comes for a night but joy comes in the morning. The journey to joy cannot be patented or written on a recipe card. It is Gods design and Gods timing in Gods way. And along the way I look at old pictures and I find my happy place ,and am thankful for friends in my life , friends on my journey to joy. Friends that reflect the joy of Christ.

Here by the altar

And here by the water
I'll build an altar to praise Him
Out of the stones
that I found here
as rough as they are
knowing you can make them Holy
Not sure who wrote these words, but to me they speak volumes.
Stick's and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me....but can't they? I read a post on facebook yesterday. Don't rely on others and you won't be hurt. Do you agree or do these words make you sad? We hurt others all the time. Mostly I believe unintentionally. You see we are all not perfect. We strive to do better, but fail. The stones ,the rough stones are us, you and me. But if God is my Father and I am His child are we not called to rely totally on Him? And if we are to model the love of Jesus to others are we not called to open our hearts to others? Opening our hearts involves trust. Opening our hearts makes us vulnerable. Not in control of the outcome of our relationship. And when our trust is broken, do we shut down because it is easier to say, I'm not going to be hurt again? So I'll just keep to myself. But when we live this way , we also do not get to experience the true joy and intimacy of some else's love and the pleasure of God controlling every area of our lives. In other words if we love unconditionally , we experience unconditional joy that we would otherwise be missing out on. And when we do get hurt , we are commanded to forgive 70 X 7. Forgive always. When we don't forgive we loose out. God put no limits on forgiveness. When we confess our sins He is faithful to forgive us all our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And when He cleanses us, He can make us holy. Here by the altar, I confess my unforgiving heart .

Questions

Mingle the tears of the sinner with the cross of the Savior and the result is a joyful escort out of the canyon of guilt. Max Lucado
Guilt can way you down, cause sleepless night's and untold agony. So after fighting the pride of self I must come to the conclusion I am wrong, deal with it and move on. But what happens when someone has wronged you for no reason? What happens if you point blank get cut off from all communication with someone and you don't have a clue as to why this happened? What happens if the one you love and cherish one day just up and turns their back on you and walks away?  And zip, nada...they don't love you anymore? They say it takes two tango. But I beg to differ. Sometimes there is only one person left dancing . I can deal with my guilt, my sin , my shame. But how do I live with the rejection of another human being?
And I have to look at my Savior and think how does he feel when we just walk away from him. He has done no wrong, yet we reject him. We close our ears ,thoughts and minds as to what he has to say. Is it because we cannot see or don't want to see the darkness that we have brought upon ourselves? Or do  we justify our thoughts in comparison to our rights ? Guilt ,rejection, fear, loss can all lead us away from the Savior. I must come to the cross with my burden and leave it at the foot of Jesus. And I am again reminded that the cross was not an easy thing for our Savior to bear. But he did so that I don't have to. He washed it all away, every evil deed, every evil thought. As I lay awake another sleepless night I must leave my heavy heart to God, and believe that His way is perfect and that He has me in the palm of his hand always.
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

Aha Moments

Do you ever have aha moments? You know moments tucked into your memory that would last forever? It could be as simple as a flower picked "just for you Oma" or a breath taking castle built years ago preserved in time. Or Art that is still famous and awe inspiring to look at every single day. This morning when the sun came out, through the stormy rain of the last few days....yup aha, loved it. And I thought of the sermon I heard on Sunday. Anything outside of the will of God will turn to ashes. God will allow things outside of His will. The choice is mine. And I may enjoy the pleasure of sin for a season. If sin had no pleasure there would be no appeal to follow it. But in the end sin leads to death, ashes. And I was reminded that I cannot change the principle of God. And I must ask God to remove the ashes in my life. The sin that keeps me from being right with God. The joy that gets robbed...the aha moments, when my focus shifts from "me" to "Him".For He is my Father , always willing to restore my life to His.

Sister's

Would I have but a mirror
That could go back
Into the past
And reflect whats coming
Would my choices be different?
Compromising everyday thoughts
Willing them not to be my last
Not enduring life
But running through the fields
on golden dandelions
Clutching, grabbing, holding
Remembering three young girls
On the shoulders
Of one strong Dad
Laughing , giggling, screaming
Capturing a moment
Lost forever in time
Or just bound
In the recess of my heart.

In loving Memory of Alice Teichrieb
October 11, 1956-May 14, 1994

Best Thanksgiving Ever

My first Thanksgiving without my Dad, my Mom my Sisters. I'm sure their Thanksgiving dinner was awesome. They have each other, they are in heaven. What a celebration. You know many people question why I take so many pictures. For me I have to say because I want to capture a moment in time. A sparkle, a wish that forever will not be anymore. You see when you loose someone you love, all you have is the memories of your past. And at times your memory isn't so good, and then you pull out your pictures and all the warm fuzzies return. And you walk down memory lane and say" I remember". It's not morbid, it's not bad, it's a good thing. For in order for me to celebrate the future I have to embrace my past. All of it. Sift it together, and remember. Yesterday it was 8 month's ago I let go of my Dad. And as I remember him I remember other's. Mom, my step Mom, Alice & Irene my sister's.Walter, Henry and Art, Rudy's brothers. My in laws, Tina and Jacob.My best friends brother and cousin. My nephew. My cousins son's.My sons best friend. A special Uncle. And the list goes on. Death is a part of life. Maybe you don't like to think about it. And that's okay. I do because it causes me to remember whose love I've been blessed by. All the love of the past has caused me to be what I am today. So Thankful for all my friends and family that are still around and that I can make new memories with them. Our time on earth is for a breath, a moment. Take time to enjoy everyone in your life. Cultivate family, friends. And be thankful.

Never Too Late

Reading about Manasseh this morning. He was had one of the longest reign's of the Judean kings and one of the most evil. Eventually sin found him out and punishment followed. It was during this time he sought the favor of the Lord, 2 Chronicles 33:12, and God welcome him and brought him back to Jerusalem and to his kingdom, 2 Chronicles 33:13.Then Manasseh knew that the Lord is God.
Wow I find this reading very powerful. God never said oops to little too late. Sorry Manasseh you blew all your chances. Had you not done that very last thing I would have forgiven you. Manasseh humbled himself, asked for forgiveness, and all was forgiven. Not with scolding, finger pointing,lectures, just forgiven. And I realized too many times I let my past dictate how I will approach God. Gotta clean up my act, gotta say the right words, have the right thoughts, change who I am. But no thats not how it is. I need to reach out to God first and he will change the rest of me.

Cabin Fever

Yikes, I am slowly going crazy, slowly going crazy am I, one , two ,three , four switch. Remember that song your kid's sang when they were little? No? Consider yourself lucky. Our kid's sang it so many times I  think at times I did go crazy. Yupper's almost 6 week's since my fall , almost 5 week's in my air cast. And still I'm having trouble learning life's lesson's. It's not fun having Rudy or Mattias do all my food shopping, banking, catering to my every whim! Sounds delightful to you? MMMM. Yes, there has been aha moments. You know when life hands you lemons make lemonade, etc.....But learning more patience, being thankful if I'm honest is not sinking in. Why? My focus has been on myself again. Yes, life is not all about me. And when I count on others to do things for me, gulp, it's hard being on the receiving end of life.
What are the things God wants me to do? John 6:28
The Bible is clear . Believe the One he sent.
Accept the work already done., the work on the cross.
Only believe.
It's that simple? It's that easy?
There was nothing easy about it. The cross was heavy, the blood was real, and the price was extravagant. It would have bankrupted you or me, so he paid for us. Call it simple. Call it a gift. But don't call it easy. Call it what it is. Call it grace.
Grace , not something I can earn or accomplish.

Keep Out

We have these cute little raccoons that love to sneak in our yard at night and create havok on the neighbors roof. So the neighbors solution is to put up spikes (nails) to unwelcome them to her back yard. On the surface these racoons look cuddly , harmless but at closer inspection they can cause a lot of damage.This reminds me of whats in my heart. On the outside I look friendly, cuddly harmless but sometimes on the inside it is not so. Sometimes there is a war battling inside my heart. I say the wrong thing, have the wrong thoughts and leave destruction in someones path. These spikes , like the nail scared hands of Jesus remind me everyday I have a choice.
Finally , brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent-think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Pardoned Me?

"May the Lord, who is good, pardon everyone who sets his heart on seeking God"
2 Chronicles 30:18-19.
I was reading through the old testament this morning. Actually I had been whining about having nothing to read while my foots healing up. When zap like a bolt from heaven I got struck in the butt. Yes, I did need a kick in the butt (will use that term as it is more user friendly). You see when I asked my 22 year old if he read any good books lately, with out a blink of an eye he responded yes...the Bible. I rolled my eyes and then you guessed it zap. My son might as well have rubbed his legs on the carpet and zapped me with static, ouch. You know the feeling. You are expecting something totally different and then zap. And all the justification in the world is not going to make you look good. So God I'm asking your pardon. Fill me with your passion .Passion to know you. To love you. Passion to put me second. Passion to set my heart on you .Passion for the lost. Passion to extend your grace, as you bestow it on me everyday.

Worry Or Trust?

I love surprises. Last Saturday after my 3 and 1/2 hour evening hair appointment I came home to this. Rudy had a feast of chicken nachos , veggies, fruit, candles and wine all set up for the two of us. A little background for those that don't know me ...I really don't like going to the hair dresser. And hobbling along on crutches, sitting patiently for hours waiting to be fixed up externally, really isn't my thing. I tried a new hair dresser. She was great. Anybody who can work magic on my hair deserves full credit. The only problem was the 3 hours of pain pulsating through my back, shoulders and legs. Not to mention the mixed up appointments and hence late night visit. So when Rudy picked me up and took me home I was ...mmmm...not on my most gracious behaviour. And then it all changed when I walked in the door. And I was glad again for the husband I have and again I was humbled how God takes care of the little things in life.  Seldom do I deal with dilemmas of national scale or world conflicts. Seldom do my crises rock the Richter scale. Usually the waves I ride are made by pebbles, not boulders.What begins as a snowflake can snowball into an avalanche unless properly taken care of. Misunderstandings, lack of patience, complaining, failing to forgive. The list is endless. When Mary ran out of wine at the wedding feast she just told Jesus "they have no more wine" (John 2:3). That's all, she simply assessed the problem and gave it to Christ.What causes me to think of prayer as the last option rather than the first? The servants were commanded to fill up there jars with water and serve it to the master. When the master tasted the water it became wine. Note ,the water became wine after they had obeyed , not before. Remember God wouldn't ask you to do something that He thought you couldn't do.

Stepping Into something Great

If you feel God has called you to something greater than what you are doing now, it's probably true.
Hobbling along with a 10 pound cast on my foot, reassured me that God defiantly has called me for something greater than this. Sunday morning I was reminded of God calling me to holiness. The Lords prayer, Our Father which art in heaven. Hallowed be your name. And then the rest of the Lords prayer , give us our bread our daily bread. First and foremost my focus on God, not me. Why is this so challenging? I've found it doesn't matter what circumstance or phase of life I'm in. I want my daily bread first than I want what God wants. But greatness is not about us, it's about His greatness in us. God's idea of greatness is having a heart, soul ,and spirit so full of His greatness that it manifests through us. A great person is one who obeys God.. Again with that obedience word. "Trust and Obey, for theres no other way, to be happy in Jesus" ,but to trust and obey.

Running Away

So I've spent the last year and a half running from God. Literally and figuratively. God I don't want to deal with cancer, death, doctor's or anything else unpleasant. I owe you my life but do I really want to surrender every area? Obedience always comes at a cost. As long as I'm physically able to take care of myself  I can tackle all. Super woman , if you will. But you know God doesn't need me to take care of the world. You know how I know? Well I had a terrible fall four weeks ago. And God caught my attention and is forcing me to trust Him. In everything, all the time. And though my heart is overwhelmed with grief at times,it is well with my soul. And though I maybe only able to hum this tune right now, I am listening , waiting till I can sing it again..."it is well with my soul"